Jane Austen, validation and the light within

Pause for Thought on BBC Radio 2, Scott Mills Breakfast Show
The Austen Effect

Script:

It’s been 30 years this month since we witnessed the best TV adaptation ever made. BBC’s Pride and Prejudice with all its bonnets, balls and barouches charged across our screens just as I was studying A-level English literature. It fed straight into my old soul sensibilities, for I was a creature crafted in another century. I read books by candlelight, sealed letters with wax, and wrote stuff like, “I trust you are in high spirits”, and “I long for a gentleman in possession of a large fortune”. I was, in my mind, the Indian Muslim version of Elizabeth Bennett.

Three decades on from the drama sensation – and over 210 years since Pride and Prejudice first reached the hands of readers – I’ve been reflecting on how Jane Austen never had her name published on any of her novels during her lifetime.

I think about my own career as a journalist: what would it feel like never having my name on my work – what would it feel like to get no airtime, no acknowledgement, no likes? 

This concern for validation isn’t new. In my younger school years, I once tried to change the way I dressed just to get a popular girl’s approval. She sneered at my failed attempt to look cool – apparently the C&A sales section didn’t cut it – and I was left feeling like a total loser.

Another time, when I timidly hoped a guy would like me back but was ghosted, I thought if only I were prettier, younger, bolder. Five words crept into my psyche, “Am I Not Good Enough?” 

That question has haunted me every so often. But I don’t want to think my life only has value based on another person’s opinion. I don’t want to feel smaller when I try to reach for the stars and don’t quite get there. I don’t want to depend on outer results – I want to trust the brightness brimming within.

The Persian Muslim poet, Hafez, understood this 14 centuries ago when he wrote. “I wish that I could show you – when you are lonely, or in darkness – the astonishing light of your own being.” 

Just as Jane Austen believed in her own light, I need to believe in mine, and not allow anything or anyone to dim it – for my inner candles are the greatest fortune I could ever possess.

Pause for Thought on BBC Radio 2, Scott Mills Breakfast Show